How annoying is it to discover your own brain is undermining your plans?
Very, I will admit.
I’ve been trying to write full-time for a while. I’ve been frustrated that, despite having all day every day pretty much being open, I have been writing at night—as in ideas start stirring usually as I’m distracted making dinner for the kids, trying to catch up on events when my husband gets home, and my most productive time seems to hit between 11 p.m. and 2 a.m.
Which doesn’t help with getting an early start the next day.
So, being a paranoid obsessive writer-type, I have been sitting around trying to figure out what’s going on: Maybe my Circadian rhythm is such I just write overnight. Maybe I’m just a night person—some people have morning energy, obviously, I just have evening energy…
Today, I dropped my daughter off at Basketball Camp at 4 p.m., did my boring grocery shopping, hopped back in the car, and headed home. At a light, I flipped on the radio and glanced at the clock. It was 4:47. And my brain said, “Oh, cool—less than fifteen minutes until we can start writing!”
You do not want to know the level of swearing that went off in the car. **ARGH** I cannot believe that, after all this time, my stupid subconscious is still stuck on “8-5 belongs to the employer—go dormant” mode!
Now…to deprogram the damn thing.
That, of course, is the hard part. I’m just sooo grateful I actually noticed what my brain was saying when it happened—this very well could have gone on even longer. But it would certainly explain the whole surfacing-during-dinner thing, and the putting the text outlay after bedtime thing into context.
Part of me is in awe…I guess my brain has been looking after me for a long, long time in terms of keeping my job safe. The other part is jumping up and down in frustration as I realized that habits can be either good or bad. And this one was good, but is now very, very bad. Well, I can’t even say bad—but now it is unnecessary and needs to stop. BIG TIME. Unfortunately, these things don’t come with an obvious on/off switch. I think this is going to be an ongoing battle for a little while at least.
Hey, Inner Critic…Muse…Internal Editor…Part that kept me focus and employed—time for a break. I can write now—as long as I want, whenever I want, whatever I want. Time for the Writer parts to come out and play!!