Needed: New Thoughts

Well, since thoughts become things, I need some new thoughts.  WOW, the mind-set changes are astonishing in just one day. I usually try to do visualization exercises (wow, that sounds so formal and exact, as opposed to just lying there imagining cool stuff happening.) about various things…

…getting a response to my query to my preferred agent.  Oh, right…have that…
getting a reputable agent.  Oh, right…have her!
…what the phone call will be like when…Oh, right…that actually happened today.
…sending my work off to a publisher.  Er…done that, too…AND have an agent who’s going to be doing that for me as well…

Even when I drove in the car, I’d have these fantasies about what that phone conversation would be like. (Hint:  It was even better!)  What can I say–I spend a lot of time in my car.  And today, I got in and thought...that’s done.  Next?

It is an oddly jarring feeling to keep having these ages-old wish-list items drop off the list because they’ve come true.  And yeah, I gotta say I like it.

Now, reality is starting to settle in.  My agent is going to be sending some suggested revisions that will need to be dealt with.  ACK!?  Seriously??  My agent is asking about when the next book is going to be ready and how fast I write, and what we want to be telling the editor to potentially sell more than just one book.  <Quick look over my shoulder…nope, no one else around…wait…me???>  ACK!  My agent?  My books?!  My possible deadlines!??!!??

Wow.  So much for procrastination.  The best excuse in the world had been, “Well, when I get an agent, maybe I’ll…”  Ack.  Got one!

Gulp.

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Today, a Dream Comes True

That was my actual first thought on waking up Monday morning.  Not the usual, “Ugh…it’s Monday.” Or “Ugh…kids to school…me to work…you have to get moving…”  It seems trite, but…it’s not.  Because it’s true.  Today, I’m going to be getting a call from my number one choice for an agent.  Something I have worked towards, scrabbled for, prayed for, and, yes, dreamed of for a number of years.  (Too many years *sigh*)  It was first on my list of major Things To Do To Get Published.  Not just Get an Agent.  Get THIS Agent.  Yeah, there were contingency plans.  Second, third, fourth choices that would have been fabulous options as well.  But I don’t need those options any more.

This morning has been spent breaking out into smiles and giggles at odd times for no noticeable reasons.  Yeah, people at Starbucks were looking at me oddly.  And that just made me smile wider.

It leaves a very strange feeling to see a dream come true.  It’s been a dream.  That intrinsically means it’s not all that likely.  You set your sights high, but are happy with however high up the ladder you actually get—I’d be happy to get any agent, to have a professional in the field validate my writing abilities, and say, ‘You know what?  I think we can sell this.’  To have my dream agent say that?  Whoa.  Just…whoa.  My next thought is, okay…so…I made this happen.  What’s next?  If this came true, what can we now do together?

Today, I get my first look through the underbrush to see where that forking trail leads…and right now, it looks like that road might just be a yellow brick one…and is possibly lined with dragons and unicorns getting ready to cheer as I skip by.

The Reaction

Okay, once the OMGs! stopped, there was the blank-minded shakes.  The “what do I do now?”  Okay—email her back.  YES, I’ll be delighted to speak with you on Monday…  (MONDAY??  I have to wait 36 hours?!?)  Then…call someone!  Grab the cell phone and stare at it blankly.  The whole how-to-place-an-outgoing-call memory bank went blank.  Right.  People.  Names…  Call a critique partner.  No answer.  ARGH!!!!!!!  So not fair!!!!  Call another critique partner.  *whew*  Success.  Excited support.  Call my best friend.  No answer.  *snarl*  Call my sister.  She’s on another call.  *ARGH*  By the end of the day, the kids were tired of hearing “I have an agent!  Maybe.  Probably.”  Best one was when we were leaving McDonalds (okay, so celebrations are low key in my house), and my son said, “I got a Green Lantern toy!” and my daughter said, “I got an elephant Squinkie toy!” and I said, “I got an agent!”  “Ah, Mom!  Still with that agent stuff?”  Heh.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Wow!  That sound you heard Saturday afternoon was probably ME!  After being mopey all day Friday because I still hadn’t heard anything from anyone—Friday the 13th is usually a good day for me, so I had dreams that I’d hear back from either my wish-list agent or the editor I had sent stuff—I went into the weekend figuring I could at least ignore the issue until bright and early Monday morning.

Saturday, around 3 p.m., I did some computer stuff, checked email, Facebook, and some blogs, and settled into the couch with the kids for a movie.  Afterwards, yes, I went back online for a minute.  And…there it was.  Or rather, they were.  TWO messages from my requested agent—replies to what I had sent her.

Hope, fear, and adrenaline surge.  “Oh, my God…oh, my God…OH, MY GOD!” was my chant for the next few minutes.  Delight—“oh my God, she responded!”, vied with paranoia, “it’s an email…not a call…its probably a reject!” both mixed with bewilderment, “wait…isn’t it Saturday?” And then I clicked on the first one.  GULP.  Oh, my God! Oh, my God! She liked it!!!!!  And she wants to talk representation on Monday.  I click on the second one, thinking “what if she sent the first one to the wrong person, and this was a “whoops, sorry—didn’t mean you.”?  It was just a duplicate of the first message.  (Have I mentioned that technology and I have a love-hate relationship?)

OMG.  That means…she liked my stuff and wants to talk to me about representation.  For Real.

So…does this count as getting the Call?  Or one of them, anyway? Or will that be Monday? When I actually talk to her on the phone.  And the chances of getting the other call just went up astronomically.  Er…or will on Monday.

On Monday, when I have to shift from “OMG, my dream agent might want me as a client” to “Hm, I believe I need to make a decision on hiring myself an agent.”  *Gak.*

Anticipation and Motivation

Now that my first completed manuscript is Out There, awaiting a response—or rather, responses, I have no choice but to wait on someone else’s time, energy, and motivation.

I started to type, “I’ve never been good at waiting”, but then I realized that was wrong.  I am actually very good at waiting.  I just hate it.  My birthday was in July…six months from Christmas.  That was a looong time between presents as a kid, and yet, I was never the type to hunt for presents, much less peek if I happened upon a suspi—er, likely looking bag unexpectedly.  I liked the surprise and the rush of excitement when I opened the gift, and wasn’t going to go out of my way to ruin it myself.

After a week of jumping every time the phone rang (Yes, all you more experienced writers can chuckle.  Yes, I really do know it takes months.  Somehow, that still doesn’t stop the little surge of adrenaline that starts 30 seconds after hitting the send button.), I decided I needed to do something to distract myself.  A new focus for my attention.  Something motivating, uplifting, and inspirational.

I needed to keep writing.

Huh.  That should have been more obvious.

The good news, it’s working.  I’ve set a daily word goal for the first time outside of NaNo (National Novel Writing Month, a.k.a., NaNoWriMo, a.k.a. NaNo—held every November), and am making major headway on my next project.  And it helps.  It’s distracting.  It focuses me on the positive of having another completed manuscript to send out soon.  It’s fabulous seeing the storyline come together.

Besides, I can have the cellphone on the table next to the computer.  Just in case it rings.